Amelia's Project

You do not know what people are thinking.
You do not know what other children are thinking.
You just know that they will "never know" until it happens to them.

In December 2011, our daughter was diagnosed with an illness that is terminal.
Parents at her school no longer make eye contact with me.
Children are privately discussing Amelia's condition in the playground.

Now I am finding myself walking around with Amelia comparing her to the other children.
I have never done that.
Children who are able to talk, walk, giggle, play and have energy.
I am finding it so sad.
Is it the reiki I had Tuesday?
Is it releasing feelings that I had pushed so far down before they had a chance to arise?
If it is, I do not like it.

I would like to go back to looking at my daughter as an inspiration, not as struggling.
I want to see her with friends, not as an outcast.
But I look at her right now and see her differently.
Am I seeing her as everyone else see's her?

I HATE feeling like this.
I like positive, happy me.
Not sad, depressing me.

Frankly, this is shit.

If this is reiki, I do not want it again.