To really confuse my body, I joined the family for dinner tonight.
They were ordering Chinese and I decided I needed a treat.
Even though I have lost 5 kg in 11 days, I still loved every single mouthful.
The taste is so powerful when you have been deprived of any taste for almost 2 weeks (and watching others enjoy it).
I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone....... but I had 4 chocolate balls, 2 hours later!!
OMG !!!! They were awesome.
Back on the diet again tomorrow.
I have not blogged very much recently because I have been feeling flat and unhappy.
Unfortunately my survival depends on sweets, chocolate, coffee, tea and anything I want to eat.
But that is also why I managed to reach a very heavy weight.
Amelia has also been unwell and sad.
Except she HAD to go to school on Friday to "present" her project.
Something that she put so much effort into.
She was so "proud" of her masterpiece.
The staff also had her making chocolates on Friday, so she was happy at the end of the day.
An issue I have working through recently is that he is going to school next year.
After my emotional breakdown at the first school orientation, I have come to realise that he has helped me stay positive this year.
Instead of dropping Amelia off at school and then coming home depressed, I have still had our other child in my full time care.
He is so talkative, active and creative, I have had to "hold it together" for him everyday.
I felt like I was going to lose my "little buddy" who has helped keep me sane all year.
But there are also other interests in my life that will assist me to continue on my positive path.
I am fanatical about an "organised" house.
I feel that when my house is organised I am relaxed in my mind.
With Tom at school I will not have an "imaginative" area set up in EVERY room of the house everyday.
It has been fascinating watching him move between building, hairdressers, a resturaunt, a fishing boat etc etc each day.
I suggested to Scott that I wanted a labrador puppy.
A new friend.....a baby to look after......a friend for Scamp.
Some of you may remember our Barney.
He was our labrador for 7 years.
He was our first child.
We adored him.
Barney was almost human in the way he understood everything I said to him.
He laid with me when labour began with Amelia and then again with Tom.
I cried for a very long time when he died.
I thought a friendship like that would help next year.
But I also believe Barney was "one in a million".
It would be very difficult to get such an obedient, loving, loyal dog like him again.
I thought about pursuing the idea of writing a book, getting some paid work and maybe just having some "me" time.
But will "me" time send me into depression ?
I have begun thinking about Amelia for next year too.
Grade 3 gets much harder.
At some stage I am going to have to start seriously thinking about what is best for her.
It is so hard because I do not know what is best for her.....
At what stage do I begin intergrating her to a school where everyone has similar strengths and weaknesses as her?
A school where there is two staff members to nine children.
There is one nearby that has a class where everyone is her age. They are verbal, social and 60% of them are still walking, 40% are in chairs.
I absolutely adore the school she is at now.
It is the one Tom is going to next year.
But when is the right time to start getting her used to and comfortable with a "special school" ???
Amelia has a degenerative disease.
She is going to get worse.
She is already getting worse.
I do not want to move her abruptly when she is already struggling, coping with the change within herself.
Adjusting to ANY new school is hard.
I want to do it once or twice a week over at least 2 years.
I think that I may need more Lindt chocolate now.
I have got myself upset.
But as always, it is another issue I need to work through.
And I will.
I am a tough cookie !!
Thank you for listening.