Wednesday, 3 August 2011

Roll with the punches......

There is something to be said about the heading above.
When you are living it anyway.

Recently I have been really struggling to stay afloat.
Amelia's A-T diagnosis,  Tom's stitches, the car crash and now Scott in hospital.

It gets to a certain point where you just get up and do what you have to do for the day.

Today, for example, Amelia had 3 appointments, Scott needed me to bring items up to the hospital, Tom needed picking up and the children needed to see their father.

Do you know how nice it was to get home at 5pm to my neighbour across the road walking over with a fully cooked lasagna ??!!
I had just bought a crappy quiche from the bakery to stick in the oven for the kids and I.
After she left, I could have cried with relief.

Thank you for all the beautiful messages of love and support.

I am fine.
Please do not be worried about me.

We will get through this (and the next thing and the one after that etc etc etc !).


On a happier note.......
I finally purchased all the tickets to the Brashat Gala Night that I needed to.
We have 4 tables attending.
Now to find myself an outfit......

We leave for the most magical place on earth in 8 WEEKS !!!

AND ....... We are going to see Breaking Dawn at the Midnight release !!!!!
All 20 tickets ....... SOLD !!!!

Alright tomorrow I will spend the day smiling, even if I have to fake


Monday, 1 August 2011

My house is spotless.....

Most people have something they like to do when they are stressed.
For me, I clean the house.
And I mean REALLY clean the house.
At the moment our house is the cleanest it has been in a long time.

All weekend Scott has been fighting an infection.
Last week he developed an abcess (sp?).
By Saturday he had a reaction like when a breastfeeding mother gets mastitis.
Shivering, fever, extremely tired and no appetite.

He spent the last 3 days on a intrevenous drip each morning.
But last night the abcess burst.
Today he was admitted to hospital.

Scott will now be on a constant drip and hopefully kill the infection.
He is in hospital for a few days.

Unfortunately I believe in karma.
But I cannot remember what we have done to deserve this much pain and grief.


Sunday, 31 July 2011

Up and Down......

Everyone in our house seems to have moods lately like Melbourne's weather.
All over the place.
Whether it is tears, happiness, tiredness, anger or wanting a big cuddle, each one of us is unpredictable.
Amelia and Tom are displaying behaviours that I have never witnessed before.
Lots of emotions and lots of Jekyl and Hyde.
But we are also dealing with our own individual difficulties (and successes) and supporting each other through each day.
Maybe we are all going to become much stronger within, from what has happened this year. Or maybe we will all crumble.......

But speaking for myself only, I can confidently describe the "outer body experience" I have been having lately. Hopefully I can explain this correctly...........
Quite often I visualise this ugly, vile ogre sitting next to me....... lets just call him Mr Depression......and he is just waiting to attack.
Lately I am very tired, cannot get up in the morning and always have a headache.
Having suffered depression (in the past) and anxiety for many years, I have been able to get a lot of hours of therapy. I can happily say I know myself extremely well. And I analyse a lot.
The best thing I ever did was 2 years ago......
I learnt to accept me FOR me.
I learnt to accepts my faults and understand they are what makes ME.
And I decided that as long as I am "morally and ethically correct" in everything I do, I cannot continue worrying and doubting myself.
People can either like me or hate me.
Because this is ME.
And the feeling of contentment and confidence slowly grew, until I realised that I am quite happy being ME.

But now I can feel Mr Depression sitting......waiting.

I am absolutely determined NOT to let him climb on board.

I believe I know myself well enough to know that I am struggling.
Someone explained it perfectly to me recently ......
"it is like you are a duck. Calm and peaceful on the surface, but madly paddling to stay afloat underneath."
Perfect description.

Maybe that is why I do not mention Amelia much on this blog.
Originally it was created to inform everyone of her progress.
But I really struggle with that.
Because there is no progress.
There is no improving.
Everyday we see struggle and decline.
So instead I focus on the journey as THE PARENT.
It helps me continue with each day and try to find the positives.

Maybe these could be my goals for the week...........
*Talk about Amelia on blog.
*Bash Mr Depression with a hammer..........