Saturday, 27 September 2014

No title is appropriate for this one.


(this entry was a work in progress over 3 weeks, so bare with me)

After a very tumultuous year, I arrive to you in a much happier place.
After many tears I came to the decision to resign from my teaching position.

I battled, tried different approaches, tried to settle on accepting negativity and defending myself when it really was not needed.... ALL YEAR.

Kindergarten Teaching is no longer just "teaching children" and working with the child's family.
It is no longer just using your knowledge through a teaching degree and constantly updating with Professional development courses and informal meetings.
It is no longer just keeping detailed records and preparing the child for formal school entry.
It is no longer just about having FUN.

The new style Kindergarten teaching is now also about office politics.
It is about an industry believing they are part of the "corporate world" when they most definitely are not.
The extra hours that have always been done by a "good teacher" are now expected due to the workload etc etc etc etc.
It is admin, staff meetings and staff communication books where people complain about coffee mugs not being washed.
It is pedantic crap that I can no longer comprehend.
It is coming home at least 20 times over a 9 month period because people are so mean.

The final point of my story here is, I was given a "difficult centre" with "difficult management" and combined with the above, took so much day time and evening hours and caused SO many tears from nasty people that I could do it no longer.

I am incredibly upset about the children and parents I have left behind.
To be part of such an important and personal part of a child's life is an honour.

Children relying on your protection during the time they spend with you, I have had to travel through the pathway of "failure" to come out the other side this past 2 weeks. ( now 4 weeks)

I find that I am reminding myself of the friends I have lost in the last few years and questioning the person I may have become without realising.

How can so many people.... (7)..... grow to dislike me so much over the last few years ???

I am not allowed to return to say goodbye to the kids that I worked for.
That hurts the most.
I resigned.
I did nothing wrong.

Anyway, enough crap about me........

Amelia is awesome but FULL of attitude!

Comments like ......
"So bad, so sad" are heard from her.
When we lost the Internet the other night, Tom started having a hissy fit.
Amelia threw her hands up in the air and said  "It is the end of the world. Our life is over!" while laughing.
Scott and I could not stop laughing.

Yooralla have sent her an email inviting her to attend various programs on their "school holiday program".
(please read my previous blog on my strong objection to other carers looking after her).
After reading all the activities out to Amelia 2 weeks ago, she strongly chose what she would like to attend.
For 2 WEEKS Amelia has been telling AND ringing people to tell them she is going to The Royal Melbourne Show next week.
Our poor deprived children have never been.

(Amelia has since been and LOVED it. She has also attended the production of "Annie" and gone rock climbing. Next week she will have a "reptile encounter" and go to a trampoline warehouse).

I am very proud of her.
She asked to participate in activities outside of our family and we listened.
She wanted some kind of independence and we listened.

We have built a trusting relationship with Yooralla and therefore I am proud of us.
I am known as the "overprotective parent" and I am ok with that.

Today we sit and watch the AFL Grand Final as a family unit.
Outings are limited now........
I do not know why.
Have I / we changed that much to lose so many friends......

To struggle so much with nasty people at work?

I do not know anymore.

I will leave you with Part 2 of a conversation recently in our house......

AMELIA : "Mum? Will I be able to walk when I am an adult?
ME : "No Amelia". (me crying). "You wont be able to".
AMELIA : "Thats ok. I thought that. I think about it lots".
ME : "I understand that you would. If you have any questions, you can always ask us sweety".

TOM : "Dont worry Amelia. When we grow up, you will live with me. I will look after you".

I had to walk away and sob.