Emotional Morning

Recently I thought that the increase in my medication was not allowing me to cry..... at all.

Today I realised that is not the case.....................

Amelia sat sadly on the couch waiting for me to take Tom and her to "mainstream" school today.
Friday is the only day she attends her grade 3 class there.
I sat down next to her and casually asked "What is wrong?".
After some TLC, she looked at me sadly and said "I want to go to (special school) fulltime".
"Ok. Decision is made then. If that is what you really want, I will organise it today" I answered.

Then I asked "Why?".
"Because all of the kids there are like me" she said.

Insert first emotional moment of the day.

We rang Scott and spoke to him about it.
I loved how his response to Amelia was enthusiastic and supportive.

When we arrived at school, I told her teacher and aide that "Amelia will be attending (special school) full time next term. We will finish the last few weeks of this term off here".

Then I went and told the Principal.

Thankfully all the staff were understanding and supportive of the decision.

After reading with Tom's class, I had to go and ask Amelia's teacher if I could bring in Scamp (one of our dogs) for her show and tell.
It was something I had forgotten earlier.

As I entered Amelia's classroom I chose to go and tell her that I needed to organise bringing Scamp in.
As I stood next to her wheelchair and waited for her eyes to look at me, I saw great sadness.
She looked at me, reached out her arms for a cuddle and started crying.

After my natural reaction of "What is wrong?", she looked at me and said.....

"I do not belong here".

Suddenly the world stopped spinning.

Staring at her with tears building and my mind going into overdrive, I decided to do what any mother would do.
I was going to take my little girl home.

As I told surrounding staff members about my little girls "thoughts", they were visibly fighting emotions too.

As I pushed Amelia past 3P coming back into class, many of the class were worried and verbally expressing concern that "Amelia is crying".

As we climbed into the car, my own tears started flowing.

"Why are you crying Mum?" Amelia asked.

I looked at her through my streaming tears and said
"I never want you to feel like you do not belong. Just because you have a wheelchair and A-T does not mean that you are less a person. Thank you for telling me how you feel so we can fix it for you."

xxx

Time and changes

It has been a long time between posts.

While we wait patiently (unfortunately Amelia does not know what this word means) for the electric wheelchair and car to be converted we have experienced what can only be described as another decline.

Amelia can not "safely" walk now by herself.
We have to feed her 70% of the time.
We can no longer leave her alone while eating due to choking.

This morning while I was having my shower I heard lots of noises in our bedroom.
As the doors slowly opened and Amelia crawled in, I realised she was unable to walk at all.
She laid on the floor smiling and talking to me.

Recently I said how well she was doing........well that is not the case anymore.

Rollercoaster.

Tom approached her aide at mainstream last Friday and requested Amelia be taken to the canteen at lunchtime.
He wanted to buy her a hot chocolate with his "tooth fairy"money.
When apparently a child called her names for accidently spilling it, Tom reacted immediately in defending his sister.
I can slowly see the beautiful human being he is becoming.

Finally ...... life.
I encountered a "hurdle" recently.
It involved friends, what is appropriate behaviour and a very strong belief of mine.
I had tried many ways to handle this situation.
I made a firm decision (with the support of others) that affected many around me.
I am disappointed and ashamed of the ramifications of this decision.
My own behaviour and that of others is something to analyse and learn by.

I have lost friends,
 how many ?
 I do not know yet.

It was their choice to "walk away" so now it is my choice to "move on".

xxx