Today has been a female day.
100% female day.
Tomorrow the kids and I go to Queensland.
Yes.....you heard that correctly.
I will be pushing a wheelchair and pulling a suitcase while calling out to Tom to "stay with us!!!".
But today I have been flat and emotional.
Thank you very much to the female "cycle".
But I am also having moments of noticing Amelia's decline.
The ability to do things is slowly disappearing.
Well actually quickly disappearing.
18 months and most things are now too difficult for Amelia to attempt.
Walking around a children's playground today was impossible.
She must hold my hand and stumble frequently.
She can no longer walk unaided.
The bruising she is covered in at the moment is evidence of the falls and her enthusiasm for life has taken a battering lately.
I can no longer do a "food shop" with Amelia.
It is impossible.
My father-in-law kindly looked after the kids today so that I could fill the cupboard and fridge.
My rule has always been to be happy, enthusiastic and encouraging while around Amelia.
If I am happy then she will be too.
Be recently that has been difficult to remember.
The timing of tomorrow's holiday could not have been better.
Amelia, Tom and I adore the family that we will be staying 7 days with.
My parents are also paying for this "getaway" so it makes it even better.
But I think I will need to search for a new approach for 2012.
Something which keeps me positive.
Something that helps me remember that I am responsible for creating an amazing life.
So think of Scott eating his bachelor pad food (frozen pies and pizza while watching past seasons of "sons of anarchy") and the kids and I enjoying warmth and beautiful friendship.
I just have to get these tears out first that have been sitting, waiting, all day......