Monday, 9 July 2012

Inside my thoughts ........

This blog is about to reach 35,000 views in total ... over 18 months.
Thank you for sharing our "delicate" life with us.
Your support of our daughter and hopes and dreams for her future do not go unnoticed.

Recently I realised that I needed a new approach to the way I deal with each day.
The recent sickness only accelerated what was already under the surface.

Depression, sadness and no motivation to do anything.

After visiting our doctor, I had my current medication increased.
I also received a referral to go and see a psychologist.

Changes have started happening around the house too.
The last few days I have been getting out of bed at a more reasonable hour.
I am making a MASSIVE effort to leave the house occasionally.
This can be a very big task from all angles but I am working on it.
Last week we went for a walk at our local beach and on the weekend Amelia spent an afternoon at our neighbours.

Amelia is currently depressed too.
But I am an adult who can mentally address the issues.
She cannot.
Amelia just says "I am always sad".

In the last few days I have seen the smile occasionally.

I need to "pull out all stops" to make sure we get out daily and have contact with other people.
That is when Amelia smiles.

Our new puppy makes her laugh too.
We now call Honey "the nutter" for her 13 week old behaviour.

Personally I need to stop getting so excited when I feel positive emotions.
Just because I am happy, motivated or excited sometimes DOES NOT MEAN EVERYTHING IS FINE NOW.
As soon as I feel "normal" again, I believe all the "sad" is gone.

The "sad" will always be there.
It will always reappear.
Whether it is because Amelia cannot walk today or reading about the young A-T man in America asking his mum to turn his life support ventilator off.
It is always going to be there NOW.

Added financial pressures this year have also made life extremely difficult.
Mortgage, bills, daily expenses and only 1 wage definately takes it's toll.
I am not ashamed to say we are struggling.
The debt is rising.
And I know so many of you are too.
Recently I have been offered work from two different people in the teaching industry.
I contemplate it, get excited about it and finally........try to work out doing it.
It cannot happen.
It just can't.
Amelia's special school bus and frequent time off make it impossible.

So I am going to take each day as it comes.
I always thought I did, but now I know I didn't.
I have always been one to look ahead.
Now I plan to wake up each day and think of that day only.
All positive energy and happiness will focus on just that day.

I have also learnt that I need something to look forward to.
It draaaaaaaags a little excitement out.
I am absolutely determined to take my family to Fiji in 2013.
What better thing to look forward to than a holiday ????
I will need to research suitable destinations for a wheelchair but that will KEEP me excited.

On a bad day, do you know what I think about ???


I have memories to last a lifetime from that most magical place in the world.
It makes me SO emotional to remember how happy and childish we ALL were in that amazing place.

I try to inject some of that same enthusiasm into each and every single day.

Thank you for reading my blog.