Sunday, 8 December 2013

The day of the PENIS

For the last few months Amelia has been very demanding for me to spend time with her on the weekends.
The impossibility of putting food in my mouth and have a two way conversation, of a weekday evening, has become obvious to her, but weekends are full on.
Every Saturday morning I wake to "Amelia's Agenda".
There is a small part in her brain where she stores ALL of the ideas she has for US to do over the 2 days.
I am ashamed to admit that I have had to stay home on two Mondays due to being burnt out!

This weekend, she was constantly mentioning the "sculpture park" up the road.
It is a wide open area with walking paths (Amelia calls it hiking) and looking at weird contraptions along the way. The distance is very far and conversations circle around "what was the artist thinking?!". They have a cafe if you have money and a lake full of hungry ducks.

After being asked the tenth time for today "when are we going?" I contacted the neighbour's across the road. Scott and Tom wanted to watch car racing on the TV, so I rang the people that live opposite on behalf of Amelia. After some describing of my role as Amelia's secretary and that their company was being requested, it was decided that they would join us.

Due to my excessive weight gain recently, I found it tough, but the company made it easier to discuss "what makes people think about, creating this stuff". It up and downhill and I swear the maze sculpture alone was about 2km long!

Towards the end we came to a sculpture of a man interacting with what I can only assume was his pet pig. The man looked like something out of "The Hobbit", but that is not the point of my story.
As we approached, it became obvious that the man had no clothes on.
"Oh look. You can see his penis" I said loud enough for the whole suburb to hear.
Amelia directed her slow tracking eyes over to this part I had bluntly described.
She squealed and then started laughing.
"Look it's he's penis" I said again (just in case people 1km away did not hear).
Amelia starts bouncing around in her chair, trying to release the laughter that has overcome her.
Our neighbour's children were also fully involved in the hysteria (I do not think the neighbour was very impressed at this stage).
"Lets see if we can see his bottom" I say wheeling Amelia's chair around to the back of the sculpture.
(Children and I are laughing hysterically at this point and running around to the back. Neighbour does not know which way to look).
Yep the bum is fully visible.
Amelia is unable to stop squealing and laughing and I suddenly have a light bulb moment..... PHOTO!
So I reverse Amelia's chair directly in front of penis.....sorry sculpture.
Four very formally, well to do people (obviously just attended the expensive cafe) walk towards sculpture and look at me positioning Amelia.
"Sorry" I say loudly.
"I am just taking a photo of her with the penis".
(Amelia is almost crying from laughter).
I decided to also let them know about how I felt about how the sculpter could have been more creative with the end product.
Very loudly I say.......
"I think there should be an interactive button on this one. Push it and he pees".

Neighbour finally talks and says "oh my god. I do not know you now".

People leave quickly.

Take photo.

After having some biscuits and feeding the ducks.....I see another.
Knowing neighbours concern of what I am introducing to her very young daughters, I say....
"Stay here. I have to go over there with Amelia".

Hysterical laughing at second naked man in middle of lake.

We go home and Amelia blurts out immediately to Scott and Tom....

Please feel free to share.....just in case anyone wants to see a penis or two.

 Penis 1
 Just in case you missed it.
 Amelia in front of a lake
Oh hang on........ there is a penis behind her.

This will probably mean the book is R rated now!


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