Recently I have lost a lot of confidence in myself.
I feel very insecure about how much I reveal about myself.
Yesterday I became paranoid about what other people think.
This has not happened to me for a very long time.
Last night I sat up and read all of my posts from the end of last year and beginning of this year.
It reprogrammed my thinking on what is important.
The mundane tasks of running a house while keeping up with the commitments of two children.......well any parent knows how difficult that can be.
I do not have employment in the formal sense of the world.
But I do feel doing everything I can possibly do for Amelia......and Tom, may as well be considered a job.
While this job may be satisfying and have many rewards, it also makes you very tired.
My line of employment makes you look at life differently.
In everyday there is both positive and negative.
Sometimes I feel dizzy from the range of emotions I experience every single day.
Lately I have been feeling annoyed and grumpy a lot.
Amelia's condition this year has made us think of things we would never have had to approach in conversation.
But then we could have for entirely different reasons.
Two things that have reached boiling point recently (through discussions with specialists and doctors)............
maybe tomorrow night.
Today we were meant to finally get our wheelchair.
We ordered it back in February.
But when it arrived it needed ajustments and "extra features".
So.....back it went and hopefully it will arrive again next week.
Amelia had her painting class today with Annette.
She always loves making something special.
Then, finally, we picked up our "documents" for America.
Flights, accomodation, transfers and Insurance.
And the person that has helped us organise this entire trip, Sharon, gave the kids gorgeous beach towels with their names embroidered on. There was also activity books for the plane.
Yesterday someone said "I could not put myself out there like you".
But after lots of soul searching (and messages) I have been reminded of the greater good it is doing for not only me but everyone who reads it too.
If you do not like what I write then please do not read it.
Now why couldn't I have come to that conclusion last night ???!!!