Emotional rollercoaster Number 432321

Today I took Amelia to look at a "special school".

It was hard.
Very hard.

It is something that you never expect to do when you are pregnant with your first child.

In front of Amelia I was happy and relaxed.

Inside my mind I was confused and emotional.

I wanted to cry but could not exactly work out why.
So I just swallowed lots.

I wanted to show Amelia the school.
I wanted to give HER the chance to see others similar to her.
I wanted HER to tell me whether 1 day a week next year is a good idea.

I explained this before we went.
She was genuinely excited !!!

EMOTION 1 : for me...... being there with her.

We were shown the classroom Amelia would join.
She was invited to participate in the activities.
Initially she chose to observe but as I was leaving to have a cuppa she began to join in.

EMOTION 2 : Observing the other children in the room.

The smile on her face was huge.

EMOTION 3 : Realising that she was one of them.

This emotion hung around for a while.......

Acceptance can be difficult.

Amelia and I love her "mainstream" school and she will not be leaving it. But I think Amelia needs to be given the chance to interact with others like her.
To become familiar with an environment that may be full time in the future.

All of the children were intellectually normal but their physical skills were prohibiting them from functioning at a "normal" level.

They were social towards Amelia.
The staff were extremely welcoming.

EMOTION 4 : Accepting that your child would be "happy and comfortable" in this environment is confronting.

But it is also comforting.

Seeing other children struggling but still enjoying themselves was obviously attractive to Amelia.

Next week she is going to spend a few hours there again ........ without me.

To give you an idea of what "Amelia thought"........
When I came back to see how she was going she spoke some words.
Everyone thought she said "Don't forget me".
Knowing her language better I understood what she said.

"Don't get me".

She didn't want to leave.

Even though I need a REALLY good cry right now I know that I have been strong in investigating something that is good for Amelia.

xxxx