Sunday, 17 March 2013

Resolve and wine

Thank you to everyone that replied to my previous entry.
I cannot describe how much it meant.

After writing an entry to myself (that was extremely intense) and speaking to three different people, I think that I have been able to work out what is going on in this silly mind of mine.
(The two shared bottles of wine last night have definately contributed to my resolve).

Having entered "our situation", like most other females, I had strengths and weaknesses.
They do not just disappear because of Amelia's diagnosis.
They change, are strengthened/weakened and are added to.
Everyone learns "coping mechanisms" for all areas that they struggle with.

My recent struggle has been with friendship.

People are busy and have their own lives.
I know that.

I am in no way targeting my thoughts and feelings at just one person.

I realise that I am lonely.
People do not answer/respond to phonecalls or text messages.
I do not feel like I have had friendship "contact" with anyone recently.
Three people responded to my text message about the BrAshA-T Twilight Cinema night.
I sent out 50 messages from my phone.

A simple "we will see" or "no we can't" would have been nice.

The realisation of having a child so ill, attending a special school and managing her day to day living is lonely.
But I am not asking for pity, sympathy or require any contact to depress you.
Just friends that accept me for me.
Just friends full stop.

Scott does not enter this thought process.
He is always there and always will be.

I am talking about REAL girlfriends that you can laugh with, talk about life to just have fun.
No judgement or bitchiness.
Just real friends.
I have this with Scott. I like it outside the home as well.

I know that I posted a while ago about "friends for a season or a reason".
That must mean that I am experiencing major climate change!!

I know people will shake their heads at me.
But this is how I feel.

Recently I was asked to the movies by a friend I catch up with occasionally.
I was so excited that someone thought to ask me!
That is sad.

So my new motto is
This is my life. It is up to me to live it. Do not expect others to live it for me.

So if you get a text message from me
cause I am on a search to find who is my friend !

From the extrovert with a silly mind.


1 comment:

  1. dont worry lady .. we are all sitting home alone in our thoughts with or without a child that is ill .. im not going to movies or outings either.. no one is texting or requesting to go anywhere .. hopefully that will let you know that it not just you .. or maybe its just you and i hahahahahahah .. chin up .. call if you need to .