Psych analysis

My apologies for the previous entry.
(I hate the word "blog" ....makes me feel like something you do in the toilet!).

Unfortunately I have been travelling down a very quiet negative pathway for a number of weeks.

I normally steer clear of the "poor us" thoughts but lately they have been dominant and I have been submissive....... (yes. I am reading 50 shades AGAIN!).

Anyway, all jokes aside, I have been feeling very sad about what our life has become.
The what we "can't" do.... rather than the what we "can".
The way our life "could" be...... rather than what it "is".
The "negatives"...... rather than the "positives".

Maybe I should have begun documenting it sooner.
Scott even said "oh great. The whole world knows before I do.".

Writing clears my head and rationalises everything for me.
I am able to articulate it better typing.
I do not understand it myself until I begin writing.

The comments I recieve help greatly too.
I read......I walk away......I think.

Anyway I have settled on a number of reasons for my recent decline.

Healthy eating went out the window over the last 6 weeks.
Emotional eating replaced it AGAIN.
The difference is massive for me (may be my next science experiment).
I feel crap.....I think negative.

My frustration and anger was possibly being channeled through the personal training.
I have done NO exercise for 6 weeks.

I am actually very lucky that I have only put 4 kilo's on from the original 14 I lost.

And finally my last assessment of myself........
Kids constantly for 6 weeks.
I was very spoilt last year.
So much time to rejuvenate.
The children arrive home eager to tell me about their day.
The house was immaculate (unfortunately something I crave).
And I honestly feel that the stimulation that they get from their school environment/s is better than what I can offer.

But......... recent comments point to Amelia and Tom's need for just "our company".

Last weekend we had to pick Amelia up from a sleepever.
A sleepover that she has done since she was 6 weeks old.
It was her nanny and poppy's house.

The reason for her early departure?

She just wanted to be with her "family".

xxx

Normal stuff

I have been struggling about what to write on here recently.
So many events, conversations and realisations that it has been difficult to comprehend how I could possibly put it all into words.

My struggle has been about "what to do" with my children on their very long six week holiday.

I have mentioned Mildura and Very Special Kids house...............
BUT it is the "normal" activities that I have REALLY struggled greatly with.

Swimming?.........great but it exhausts Amelia to the point she cannot talk or walk.
Beach?............after our horrible experience last year (where I could not get her across the sand back to the car) is not to be considered.
Art/sculpture park walk?............ground too uneven for Amelia's wheelchair.
Carnivals/waterparks?..............Amelia is either unable to participate or the sights and sounds are too overwhelming for her.

Amelia likes to sit at home or go shopping.
Most places around us are not wheelchair friendly.
She does not like too much stimulation, noise, people or lights.

Very difficult to try and plan six weeks for Amelia and one very active  6 year old child.

To Tom's credit, he does not demand entertainment.
He has learnt to entertain himself.
I just want to offer and provide what other children are able to experience.

I openly admit, I have really struggled these holidays.
My usual positive and happy self has struggled to appear.

I just want to have the option to take my children wherever I want.
A park is quite often not an option anymore.
Amelia complains the whole time we are there about being "bored".
Of course she is bored !!!!
What can she do?
Play on the climbing equipment and run around with her friends?

With Tom getting older and Amelia deteriorating even more......
It is difficult.

Next week both children begin their new school year.
For the first time in many years, I cannot wait.
Tom will have mental and physical stimulation for many hours.
Amelia will have the same but in an environment "perfect" for her.

I do not feel that I have done a very good job the past six weeks.
I have struggled.

Whinge over......

xxx

Suck it up Princess

As many parents would be experiencing right now in Australia, I am just so tired.

The very long summer holidays in Australia are taking their toll on me.

I have been very fortunate to have Scott home with us a lot of the time but this past week has been very difficult.

I have been extremely spoilt over the last 11 months.
5 days a week I have had time to myself (well some weeks).
I did not sit and watch television but I had time to think, do, create and replenish in silence.

In my effort to go to the bank today and then drive to another destination to return some unwanted goods I realised (again) how difficult this simple task is for us.
Wheelchair, assistance in and out of the car......just to do a 5 minute task at each place.

Assistance eating, dressing, toileting and moving anywhere is draining.
The constant need to be near me, hold my hand, cuddle or just "talk" is wonderful....... but there is no break.

I am tired.

Amelia means the world to me but I have also learnt to appreciate her special school even more now.

I can understand right now why parents need a break.
My appreciation and admiration of single parents with special needs children has grown immensly.

Tom has been a wonderful help on so many occasions (apologies to the stuck up ladies at "Adairs" that Tom was wheeling her around your store while mummy looked at things) but he has also had many "moments" of ......... well frustration and arguments from my end.

Do not get me wrong.
We have had glorious holidays and I have treasured every minute of our time together.

I am just worn out.

Tomorrow Amelia and I leave to stay at Very Special Kids.
(It is Take 2 after last time).
Tom and Scott will be having valuable time together at home.

I have packed books, DVD's, magazines and Amelia's computer.
My accomodation is 1 minute away from Amelia's.
Chadstone Shopping Centre is just up the road and lots of resturaunts in easy walking distance.

I hope to repeat my mantra many times and remind myself of it's meaning before we come home.

"Instead of trying to find shelter from the storm...........learn how to dance in the rain".

The words are perfect for us.

I am just so tired.......

xxx

Inspiring

"Hold them, love them and enjoy every moment together".

Thank you for sharing your story Brooke Hanson.

So many tears and so much inspiration......

We WILL do the above.
We Do have the time.

http://video.au.msn.com/watch/video/baby-jack/xpn3syl

xxx

Home.

Wow.
7 hours is a VERY long way to drive.
BUT we have had the most wonderful, relaxing holiday, with the most wonderful and "down to earth" people.

Thank you to our gorgeous neighbours (Dianne and Paul) for EVERYTHING they did while we were gone.
You do not often meet such beautiful people that will help out with animals while you are away.
They also assisted when we were in America.
It makes a holiday so much more relaxing if you know everyone at home is being spoilt.

Thank you also to my brother.
The watering, living and feeding once he returned from camping is also well appreciated.

2013 started like any other day.
2012 ended like any other day.

We read, we swam, we cooked, we laughed and we smiled.....constantly.
Pure Bliss.

We are so very grateful to our Mildura family and our community back home.

I do not know if any of them will ever realise the holiday we just enjoyed.

Now we have returned there is some of the old and some of the new...........

We are all exhausted and recovering.
The unpacking is monstrous.
There is no pool !

But we have a new family member.
Most people will shake their heads.

BUT we are who we are.

We have welcomed a new family member into our family.
He was going to be "put to sleep".
This kelpie/labrador is 8 years old (so they say).

Yesterday the whole family made the decision to "save him".

He has fitted in beautifully.
The other animals do not faze him.
He just loves companionship.

Loyalty.

He quietly follows us everywhere.

As a family we discussed giving him a home in his remaining years.

He is toilet trained.
He is placid.
He deserves to live.

This will be his home now.
Not the cage or the green needle ...........

Oh.....and his name is STEVE.

Cannot stop laughing about that one.....

Rest and relaxation

Hello from sunny AND hot Mildura.

On December 27th, we drove 7 hours to get here.
In a few hours we will be home.

A few months ago, I rang Scott's cousin that lives here and asked if we could come and stay.
By the end of the conversation, we were coming to "house sit".

At the moment we all feel like the "luckiest" family in the whole wide world.
The house is a mansion.
It is magnificently decorated.
The gardens are immaculate.
And the "piece a resistante"........there is a massive pool outside the back door.

The setting for our "holiday" could not have been any better.

Scott has many family members that live around Mildura and the hospitality we have been shown is indescribable.

Amelia and Tom had a wonderful afternoon driving around in a boat.
Tom and I even attempted knee boarding!

The food, the fun and the relaxation has been well needed.

The lifestyle is unlike anything at home.
I am coming home with many "creative ideas" for our own home environment.

Our animals at home have been well looked after by my awesome brother, as has the house and garden.

Amelia has struggled with the heat, late nights and social stimulation.........
but as always she recovers the next day.

Amelia, Tom, Scott and I have each had our own memorable experiences to last a long time.

Happy 2013 everyone.
We are looking forward to sharing our lives with you over the next 12 months.

xxx

Merry Christmas 2012

It is with great pleasure that I wish you all a magical Christmas.....from my family to yours.

As my children lay in bed giggling (yes, they have requested to sleep in the same room tonight!), I remember with fond memories the excitement of Christmas Eve for a child.

At our house, the reindeer food is out and the "runway" ready to help them find the their way.

Santa has shortbread and a beer ready and a beautifully written letter from two very grateful children.

Now as we prepare for Santa's arrival, I would like to wish every single individual that reads this blog a wonderful Christmas.

May you also have an inspiring and healthy 2013

Thank you for listening.
Thank you for being there.

We look forward to sharing our "life" with you all in 2013.

Love now, forever and always

Amanda, Scott, Amelia and Tom

xxx