Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Lost the plot

This morning I have had a good cry.
No reason for it.
Just obviously needed to.

Then I opened my emails.
Scott had sent me the one below.
I now cannot stop crying....from laughing hysterically.
Either I have lost the plot OR this is seriously funny.
Maybe it is just my sense of humour, but I wanted to share it with you all.
Maybe it will give you a laugh too.



After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot
tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our
complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our
video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts
when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House
wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and
receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance,
causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-by.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers
he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department
to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed,
'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he
picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where
the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission
Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using
different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME!

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position
and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very
loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

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