Sunday, 17 July 2011

Reflection = Flat

Three posts this weekend.
I am on a roll !!

Feeling very FLAT tonight.
No real reason for it.
Just reflecting on the year that our family has had to endure and thinking about what is happening to Amelia.

Our holidays have been very busy and the last 2 days have been spent inside, at home.
We have had many visitors and some yummy meals arrive (thank you Emma and Dianne) but it has also been a time of sitting back and thinking.

I do not like thinking.
I do not like just sitting and watching my daughter struggle with EVERYTHING.
It is shit actually.

I do not like closing my eyes and seeing a bus driving towards our car.
I do not like actually thinking "my time is up".
I do not like watching Amelia cry when she has to go in the car.

To sit and think about how we are losing Amelia.........and we are actually watching it crap.

We all know that I will wake up in the morning and will have "moved on" from these thoughts.
But right now ........ I know I need to have these thoughts.
I need to process them to get back to the happy place.
Where life is precious.
And where my destiny is to create an amazing life for an amazing little girl.

MY little girl.

I think part of my mood is tomorrow night.
We will be having our last Amelia's Project meeting for 2011.
It will begin again next year, but this year is when it all began.
Learning about A-T, Amelia's Project, experiencing every emotion imaginable.........our WHOLE life has changed this year.
And tomorrow night, I feel like something really special is ending.
Something that kept me occupied.
Something that gave more support, friendship and love than I ever thought possible.

I want to give everyone there something.
But I do not know what could possibly show my appreciation for everything.............


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